Getting Spanked...

Dan was going to Yorkshire this weekend. I've never been to Yorkshire, so after a bit of deliberating we decided to head up with Dan (previously we were going to the lakes). I guess the weekend really started on the Friday night with a fit of bouldering at newport for the evening. We had turned up on their 6 month anniversary since opening so there was a bit of a party atmosphere. Eventually we all gathered round to watch (and get involved with) a problem on a slightly overhanging wall. It involved a short pop-dyno to grasp a less than excellent hold. I made it a few times before I finally stuck it, then promptly fell off before I could make the next move. After much watching other and egging each other on I finally made a ground up ascent of it. Just this problem alone made my evening.

A cup of tea in beer tankard started my day on Saturday. I'd had a "few" beers the night before after bouldering and then stayed up watching climbing films (psyche, onsight and bits of "the climb") before realising; 1) I'd sobered up and 2) it was 5am so time for bed. When I woke back up 6am I was really annoyed. So following a brew, remnants of last nights pizza and early an morning bout of drum'n'bass from Toaf we set off to Yorkshire and Almscliffe. I had not got any guide books and didn't know where we were going to camp that night (I'd even not brought my bivi bag). All in all this was going to be a pretty weird weekend.

So we headed to Almscliffe on the first day as it had been recommended as the best gritstone climbing in Yorkshire. It stood proudly out of its little outcrop and we could see the steep walls and overhangs grinning menacingly. Today I knew I was losing skin. On the walk in Dan was talking about "Great Western". We wondered around for ages trying to orientate ourselves and actually find it, eventually locating it and the five star finish. This was Dan's route so I set up to belay and let him pillage my rack for whatever he needed. The line it follows a corner crack to hand traverse then pulling through to below the roof, from here you either take the crack above direct or traverse back right for the five star finish. It looked steep to say the least.

So Dan got on it, moving quickly up the groove looking really strong. I was urging him on. He got into a little difficulty as he placed his final piece before he set out over the traverse. I could see he was getting pumped out. I'd forgot how nerve wracking belaying is when someone is on a hard lead. Dan started out acorss the traverse with his feet skittering off. He was complaining about being really pumped and I kept yelling for him to hang on. Half way across he managed to to get in another cam on the blue rope. He got to the up groove and fought like a buggary to get a decent hand jam in so he could rest. All I could do was watch and hope he would sink that jam, but he couldn't. "I'm coming off" he yelled. He took a big swing but caught him and he lowered off. I've never seen his arms so pumped.

We took on some water, cheese and jumpers. Dan decided he would have another go. By now Claire had joined us and took up the mantle of camera girl. As soon as he got back on I could see he was close to pumping out. I was hoping he would keep it together and he moved out across the traverse. I thought he got the jam in as he hung around long enough to get in a piece of gear, but then he yelled again. He got it clipped and fell off. Dan was done, his arms about to explode. It was a great effort though.

He asked if I wanted to finish the lead and I tied on, racked up and set off. I fancied a crack at the 5 star finish but after watching Dan I was unsure of whether I would make it. I lay backed the corner crack, then set out across the traverse to the exit groove. I was standing on pebbles for the traverse and was almost off then one of them snapped away. I found a jam (in the groove), which hurt like hell but was solid enough to rest on and from here I squeezed in a size 4 above my head. My left arm was completely pumped out, but my right was ok so I moved up and place some more cams. I had to kick out the size 4 to prevent rope drag before the finish.

I could hear Dan yelling "come on man, gass it, gass it! make Didier proud! come on..." I couldn't get a decent jam so cranked up on my left arm. I could feel myself slipping out and just went for the break. I wasn't good and my jam was slipping out. I power-squeeked majorly but some how stayed on pulled up over. Thank god it was over.

We abseiled to remove the gear saving a ground up ascent for Dan at a later date. We jumped on Z climb as Toaf had lead it and nobody could second it. We wanted to see whats all the fuss was about seeing as it was graded VS 4c. Toaf had regraded it at HVS 5a, but then again he doesn't like jamming which this route involved. Almost a classic case of grading something harder because you lack in technique. I lead it and found the crux a hard steep move, but you could get bomber jam in and I just sung round on it, I then added a little 5a slab finish to it for me and Dan. The climb however was still a VS 4c, it was just steep.

I then asked Dan for a belay on "The Big Greeny" an attractive looking E3 6a. This is at the limit of my climbing grade, but I thought I'd do it anyway and back off if it was too run out. I took a line under an overhang and then out up a blank wall using to pockets. It was hard climbing up to the crux, a mix of 5b/5c but the gear was good (apart from the blank start). The move to get the first pocket involved a kneebar and a handjam then reaching up. The pocket wasn't exactly the jug I was hoping for but I tried to pull up into it anyway. I was so tired from a late night the night before and a hard days climb already. I fell off. I got back on it and tried again and fell off again. I was too much for my the manage to I stripped the route out by abseil.

Alot of us hadn't been to Almscliffe before and there was mixed discussion about the place on the walk back. Pretty much everyone disliked it apart from me. I loved the huge steep walls and cracks, hard stressful climbing and really abrasive grit. These also happened to be most the reasons people disliked it. I guess you can't please everbody, but we all agreed we'd had a good day.

After the adventure of finding a some food and a campsite we headed to Malham Cove for the day. Dan had his eye on some trad climbing on the right hand wall and I was easy for anything (as long as it wasn't sport climbing). Dan took us on a great yet really uphill walk in that pretty much took us to the top of Malham Cove and straigh to right wall. After carrying the dog down a scramble to get it we all geared up on the "gearing up rock" mentioned in the guide book. Dan was already getting eger to lead something and I said I'd belay him up Club Foot (VS 4c). He said he wanted to see what a steep yorkshire limestone VS was like before we tried anything else. The start was polished to buggary but that didn't seem to bother Dan. The tree half way up however made for some amusing climbing. Me and Andy seconded him up and enjoyed just sitting on the rim for a while.

My lead now and I took Swingover (VS 5a). It was a great climb, a little polished but with an awesome 5a move out of a groove and unto an arete. I messed up my sling runner (chose the wrong lenght) and also a wire ripped out because of the drag. The final groove was steep but not exactly hard. My arms were so pumped I found it right struggle. I belayed off as many torque nuts as I could as I'd been rvaing on about them again to Dan. Laura tried it, but found it well hard and decided to second Toaf up a route instead. So Dan joined me on the rin. It was pretty much a perfect day and we both agreed that our rats were fed for the day. We just settled down in the soft grass out of the wind and watched the cloud go by whilst assessing which nut key makes the best ball scratching impliement. With 3 with us (for some reason) it was decided the new WC nutkey is best. We must have spent an hour up there just talking and resting.

It was clearly time to head off by the the time me and Dan got down so we walked out to the bottom of Malham cove and then down the Vally. Malham is a really nice place and I'd liek to come back and do some sport climbing there one day. The drive back however took ages because of the end of Ramadan and the United game. To top off the weekend I got back to Laura's to find that Paul had escaped. Paul is her python.